I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
me + whiskey = a bad person
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
