piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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