my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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