I forgot how hot balto sounded
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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