420 ftw
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize