I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
