Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
