Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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