I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
