I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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