Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
