There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
