got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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