Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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