the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
