Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
