Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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