i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize