Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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