How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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