We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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