I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize