I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
