I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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