You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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