I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
