We won't sleep together?
That's intense
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
