He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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