genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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