we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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