i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
