Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
