Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have post one night stand depression
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