i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We're too hungover to prance.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
