my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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