Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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