his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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