when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
