I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
