that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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