woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
