thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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