so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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