smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
