I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
