don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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