The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
