I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
