I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
