i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
