Do you still have your period?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
