The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
