Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
