Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
