I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
