Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize