i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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