At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
