just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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