u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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