I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
