if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
