I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
