I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
