cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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