it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need a burrito and a hug.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
