I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
