All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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