oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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