He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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