why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
