I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you would pick up someone in the library
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
