my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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