Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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