You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
