That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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