I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
