Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
