Soap is not a condiment
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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