i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
